Living Vs. Existing

"To live is the rarest thing in the world. Most people exist, and that is all." - Oscar Wilde.

I don't remember when I first heard this quote, but it has always stuck with me. It makes you reflect on your own life: you ask yourself, "Am I really living?" The book The Elegance of the Hedgehog by Muriel Barbery, exemplifies the difference between living and existing. The story is narrated by two extremely intelligent women, Renée and Paloma. Renée is an incredibly closed off women, a widow, with no children or family, and works in an apartment building as a concierge. Located in the heart of France, the apartment building is occupied by (as Renée would say) entitled people of extreme wealth. Paloma is an incredibly closed off teenage girl. As one of the people living in the apartment just mentioned, she is very rich, but very dissatisfied with her life. Without attention from her parents, or anyone for that matter, the book begins with her having made the decision that she is going to set her apartment on fire, with herself in it. The Elegance of the Hedgehog shows the journey these two women take, to find each other, themselves, and happiness. Through this story, Muriel Barbery shows that there is so much more to life than just existing.

"Madame Michel has the elegance of the hedgehog: on the outside, she's covered in quills, a real fortress, but my gut feeling is that inside, she has the same simple refinement as the hedgehog, a deceptively indolent little creature, fiercely solitary, and terribly elegant." - Paloma about Renée. I think this analogy is so beautiful, because it perfectly captures, not only Renée's personality, but also Paloma's. I guess it takes one to know one. In the beginning of the story, both characters have successfully created a front, a personality that isn't their own, but one they want to be perceived as. Both Paloma and Renée are intellectually advanced, much more so than anyone around them. Personality wise, neither fit their stereotype, but for everyone around them, the stereotype seems to perfectly fit. Paloma's rich family members are stuck up, entitled, and completely ignore anyone that isn't in their social class. Renée's best (and only) friend is a cleaning lady at the same apartment building, and is a poor, outspoken Latina, with a huge family. Everyone around Paloma and Renée are just as you would expect them to be, nothing less, nothing more. So as a way of preventing themselves from standing out, they chose to try and fit their stereotype too. Renée becomes the lazy, negative, and "weird" concierge. She is fat, ugly, and seems to be nothing more than that. Paloma becomes a spoiled brat, closed off from her family. She is seen the troubled child, nothing money can't fix. But they start to become more of the stereotype than themselves as the story progresses. Because once you get used to living a lie, it becomes the truth. This is just existing. Paloma and Renée are half themselves, half the person they are pretending to be. That's not really living.

It isn't until a Japanese man moves into the apartment building, that Paloma and Renée learn that they don't have to hide behind their fake selves. This cultured Japanese intellectual named Kakuro Ozu is just as smart as Paloma and Renée, but he doesn't need to hide his personality. He is able to show his intelligence, without being conscious of what others may think. He introduces Paloma and Renée to each other, changing their lives forever. Neither would ever even thought about even talking to one another, as they come from completely different worlds, but once they find each other, they feel understood. Because of each other, they discover that instead of living in the shadows, silent and lonely, they can be themselves. Paloma learns that there is so much more to life than the bubble she exists in, and by the end of the book, chooses not to commit suicide. Kakuro shows Paloma and Renée that they don't have to dragged through live, changing themselves to please others. Because you will never be able to please everyone, you will never be able to meet everyone's expectations, no matter how hard you try. Kakuro Ozu taught Paloma, Renée, and readers everywhere that you should choose to please yourself, before you choose to please others. That is living. Because before you can live your own authentic life, you need to be content in your own skin. Living a lie, isn't living, staying true to yourself is. 

The common belief is that the rich have it all. That they can afford anything in their wildest dreams. In the story, Paloma gives an example of a dying old man, a widower, who was once a hardworking engineer, whose kids are poor, yet they too have children to raise and feed. And despite that, this man has the ability to create love, give love, and receive love. On the other hand Paloma explains her grandmother's life. Her grandmother has contributed nothing to society but fake smiles and lavish parties. She has a soul darker than the pits of hell, and yet she was given wealth and fortune beyond compare. Is the suffering that the old man is going through, the price we pay for love? Is money anything if we have no one to share it with? Paloma's grandmother may have existed in this fabulous life, but she never lived. Flashing fake smiles and hosting superficial parties may seem luxurious, but this cold hearted woman couldn't love. And what is life without love? 

People want to hide their flaws and imperfections, because we want to showcase all of our positive qualities. We have become so worried about what others may think, we have stopped living life to the fullest. When Oscar Wilde said that living is the rarest thing in the world, it is because we have started restricting ourselves in what we do because society tells us we are different or we stand out. The Elegance of the Hedgehog by Muriel Barbery makes you reflect on your own life and ask yourself "Am I really living?"

To Live Your Dream, You Must Face Your Nightmares

Everyone does things they regret. Everyone looks back on something and wishes they could do it differently. Everyone has that one thing, that one memory that burns in the back of their mind. That one memory they try to forget. Because everyone is human, and humans make mistakes. But it's not the mistake that shows who you truly are, but the way you chose to cope with it. Through The Kite Runner, Khaled Hosseini takes readers on a journey through mistakes, redemption, and forgiveness. His character Amir never defended Hassan, the one friend he ever had, even as Hassan got raped right before his eyes. He lied about having seen this tragedy to his father and to Hassan. Then Amir stole from this poor friend, ultimately causing Hassan to loose the one thing he cherished most; his family. For years, this memory haunted him. Everything that went wrong seemed to be connected to that night. But as Amir grew up, he learned to face his nightmares in order to live his dream. Amir shows readers everywhere that mistakes don't define you, but rather the way you rectify them.

Amir and Hassan were partners in crime, and best friends. They grew up like brothers. But despite all that, they were very different. Amir was born into a family with everything. He was a rich, spoiled child, growing up as a prince. Hassan was a poor, servant boy, working for Amir's family day in and day out. However Hassan had something Amir never really had. Amir's father - Baba's - love. Because Amir was born with a silver spoon in his mouth, he became greedy and selfish, making his own father ashamed of him. Hassan was pure and down to earth, which quickly made him gain Baba's attention. This caused Amir to resent Hassan, and no matter how many times Hassan saved him from his foolishness, Amir's jealousy got the best of him. So when that night came, and he saw his best friend get raped, Amir never said a word. And this seemingly small decision negatively changed his life forever. By reading this book, readers an come to realize that mistakes are never something to be proud of, but their consequences don't have to last forever. Readers can realize from Amir, that the faster you take action, the longer you can be free.

When Amir moves to America, it is as if he is trying to run away from the past. It works; he has a new life and a fresh start. Until Baba gets sick with cancer, and it all floods back to his memory. When Baba dies, Amir blames himself. He believes Babas death was Allah's way of giving Amir karma after all of the mistakes he made back in Afghanistan. This is when Amir realizes that the awful memories will never stop coming back. He will never fully escape or be free unless he redeemed himself. When his uncle still living in Afghanistan calls and tells him Hassan has died and his son has become an orphan, Amir jumps at the chance to finally make it up to all of those he had wronged. He travels to Kabul, his hometown, retrieve his old friend's son. Heading into Afghanistan, the plan was to drop the child, Sohrab, off at an American orphanage. But, when Amir gets Sohrab, Amir is caught up in a whirlwind of chaos. He learns Hassan was his biological brother all along, making Sohrab his nephew. Additionally, he is faced with Hassan's raper, Assef, who has joined the Taliban. They get in a fight resulting in Sohrab poking one of Assef's eyes out with a slingshot, and Assef cracking multiple of Amir's ribs. In the hospital, Amir then finds out there is no American orphanage to drop Sohrab off at because Amir's uncle set him up. After all of these incidents, Amir decides that he will adopt his nephew and take him home to America with him. After decades of pain, Amir will have finally made it up to Baba, Hassan, and most importantly, himself. From his road to redemption, Amir can teach readers that the best way to rectify your mistakes is to come clean and do good. Because being sorry isn't enough, if you do nothing, your mistakes do start defining you.

Amir had lied, stole, and been so wrapped up in himself to realize his negative effect on others. Taking care of Sohrab, someone who he could love and have bring out the best in him, was Amir showing readers that the only way to live your dream, is to face your worst nightmares. Baba had always hoped for his son to be a man of honor. A man who stood up for what he believed in and never let other's tell him what to do. This memory of letting his brother down in his time of need, had made Amir do awful things. But instead of letting that push him around for the rest of his life, Amir learned to rise above the mistakes he had made and learned to embrace the future and forget the past. Readers can take away from Amir's new found selflessness that the best way to let go of the past is to forgive yourself, before you can expect anyone else to. I think that Allah's gift to Amir was Sohrab. Amir had lost his home, his father, and his dignity, but after proving himself worthy love, Allah let him keep Sohrab. His nephew was something he worked for, and working was never something Amir was good at. Amir, along with the readers, learns that working for anything is what makes you deserve it. Forgiveness isn't just handed out. You've got to deserve it.

Getting over the past is one of the most difficult things for people to do. As humans, we all makes mistakes. No matter big or small, we learn to fix our mistakes and work to gain forgiveness. Through his book The Kite Runner, Khaled Hosseini illustrates the journey to find forgiveness. Amir is far from perfect, but a role model is relatable. Even though Amir made mistakes, he was able to accept them and learn from them. Readers can take away from this book that dwelling on the past will never let you move forward in life. To live your dream life, you must confront your worst nightmares.

Different is Interesting

Different. To normal people, different is what makes you unique. Especially now that it's the 21st century, being different is actually a necessity in order to "make it". But, in high school, different is weird. Being different makes you an outcast; it's like social suicide. Fitting in is all any teenager wants to do. They would rather change who they are to be socially accepted, than be themselves and have less friends. And to be honest, I don't blame them. I blame society. Society is the biggest bully of all time. Because ultimately it is society that gives teenagers this idea that fitting in is better; that fitting in is what makes you cool. And no matter how many cheesy movies we watch, or the countless number of pep talks we get from teachers or parents, this expectation to fit in is still relevant to every teenager's life. But instead of listening to the haters and critiques, teenagers can realize that different is interesting. 

Will Grayson, Will Grayson by John Green and David Levithan is written from the point of view of two teen boys, both named Will Grayson. The first Will, (Will¹) is trying to live his life under the radar, which is hard with a best friend like Tiny Cooper. Tiny is big, loud, very gay, and is constantly drawing attention to himself and those around him. The next Will, (Will²) is chronically depressed, and seems to have nothing going for him besides his online romance with a boy named Isaac. When Will² makes a date with his secret boyfriend, he finds that Isaac is really just a girl from school cat-fishing him. These two Wills meet right after Tiny has had yet another breakup, and Will² has just found out about his boyfriend's true identity. This coincidence changes their lives forever. In Will Grayson, Will Grayson, John Green and David Levithan explore the struggles of relationships and self identity that all teens understand. Through their characters they show that you should never be afraid to be true to yourself or to stand out. They teach that different is interesting.


The stereotype jock: tall, handsome, vain, and straight.
Tiny: tall, handsome, vain, but gay, and 100% proud of it.
Many TV shows, movies, and books portray the gay kid as a freak in the closet. Although Tiny has his faults, he is an amazing role model to teens everywhere that those TV shows, books, and movies don't have to be the reality. Throughout the story, both Wills look up to Tiny for advice. Tiny, given his size, automatically doesn't fit in. And being openly gay doesn't help him blend in at all, so Tiny learns to accept that he will always be different. He uses his uniqueness as a way to speak his mind, and sharing his opinions. He writes a play to express his emotions and to educate people on what it is like to be gay. Instead of holding himself back from being who he really is, he opened himself up and showed both Wills that being true to yourself isn't something to be scared of. Being gay, your self confidence is knocked down because society tells you that you are different in a negative way. But, Tiny never let society tell him what to do, and he understood that for him to be completely happy in his own skin, he had to be honest to himself and the people around him. Tiny sets an example, not only for the Wills in the book but for people everywhere, that fitting is boring. Standing out is Fabulous.

Will¹ has two rules of life:
1)Don't care too much
2)Shut up
He says that "everything unfortunate that has happened to me has stemmed from failure to follow one of the rules." Will may pretend to shrug off his emotions but I think he really does care. He has this deep fear of being alone that he is willing to do anything in order to stay cool. He lets Tiny's emotions get in the way of his own, so buries them deep down. If Will was open about his feelings, and let his guard down, I think that people would see him as himself, instead of the person he tries to be. He has this carefree "whatever" type of attitude, but really he is just as sensitive as Tiny. Will¹ wants to go through high school going unnoticed, but in the process becomes boring to be around, and a bit of a drag. Tiny shows him that being himself is better than being under the radar, and that different is more fun. Will¹ shows the more guarded readers that everyone has feelings, and you shouldn't be afraid to show them. He teaches readers that in the end, one else has the power to change you unless you let them.

Will² is so afraid of being different that he would rather shut everyone out, than be himself. The nagging questions about his sexuality lets Will think that shutting everyone out is the way to cope with his depression. I understand that coming out is a very courageous and brave decision, but I also know that coming out is when you need your loved ones the most. He needs to ask himself, "Would I rather be myself around other people, or alone and lying to everyone?" His broken family issues and lack of friends makes Will feel isolated, so he becomes used to being someone he is not in order to please others. From Will, readers can learn that pretending to be someone you are not in hopes of making others feel happy, only ends up making you feel bad about yourself. Because, if those who you are trying to please really love you, than they would rather you be you, than be a fake. And if they don't love you, then they aren't worth your time. Will² shows readers that being true to yourself is key to self confidence. He shows readers that lying to yourself and others about who you are only effects your self image, not how your loved ones really see you.

Will Grayson, Will Grayson proves that accepting who you are is worth standing out. Through their characters, John Green and David Levithan show that standing out is a lot more fun than being like everyone else. Teenagers try to be people they aren't, because they think it will please others. From this book, teens will realize that you should always put what you think of yourself before what others think of you. Accepting yourself is the only way you will fully live. Tiny, Will¹, and Will² show readers that different isn't an insult, but a compliment. Because think of how drab it would be if everyone was the same. We need authenticity to spice things up.

Getting Help

One of the many things I love about reading is learning difficult life lessons without actually having to live through the particular difficulty giving rise to them. As examples, I wouldn't want to experience bullying or racism, but there are certainly things I can learn from those who have. We all could. Because no matter how far we've come, bullying and racism are still very relevant in many American lives. Almost every teenager can relate to bullying. And despite how many anti-bullying talks we are given at school or by our parents, it continues, especially now with social media. And the state of racism in our country is even worse - it is like bullying on a very large scale. It has been 150 years since the end of the Civil War and 47 years since the Civil Rights movement, and racism is still a topic relevant in our country. The controversy around the Confederate flag and the Black Lives Matter movement show that we haven't eliminated it yet. 

That's why I loved reading The Help by Katheryn Stockett. The three main characters had the courage and self-confidence to succeed despite the racism, sexism and cultural expectations of 1960’s Mississippi. Miss Skeeter, the rich white daughter of a plantation owner, decides to write a book from the help’s perspective, to fight against the extreme racial barriers of her Southern society. Minny, a young black maid, risked the lives of her family in order to help Skeeter write her book. And Aibileen, another black maid who helps Skeeter, learns that she doesn’t have to accept living under the harsh conditions in Jackson. And even though I'll never know what it was like to be a poor black maid in the 60's, or a white Southern woman of that time, I was still able to learn an important lesson from them. Standing up for what you believe in, even though difficult and sometimes perilous, can change not only your own life, but the lives of many others. 

"Ever morning, until you dead in the ground, you gone have to make this decision... 'Am I gone believe what them fools say about me today?’” - Constantine

Constantine, Skeeter’s maid, tells this to Skeeter after she was bullied for being tall. Such words of wisdom can be very empowering to readers who can’t stick up for themselves. This quote addresses the issue of stereotyping and bullying, that is relevant in many teen lives today. Constantine shows how everyone has insecurities, and how you should never let other people doubt yourself. When this poor, black maid in the South turns bullying into a self-empowering message, young readers can learn that you are more than what others think of you. When Skeeter, Minny, and Aibileen stand up to the stereotypes, like how whites and blacks can’t be equal, that women aren’t as smart or as powerful as men, or that people should just step back and accept their pre-decided future, it tells teen readers that people’s criticisms don’t say anything about you, but rather something about them. The Help shows how many people who like to bring others down have insecurities of their own.

"Minny could probably lift this bus up over her head if she wanted to. Old lady like me lucky to have her as a friend" - Aibileen

Aibileen and Minny were poor black women - they had every social disadvantage of the time - and the fact that they could muster the courage to speak out against the racially divided community they were living in, shows that anyone can stand up for what they believe is right. This quote expresses the differences between these women, and how their opinions on the Civil Rights movement changes the course of the book. When they were faced with the opportunity to change the unjust world they were living in by helping write a controversial book on the topic of race, both were aware that there would be consequences and risks. Over the years, Aibileen had come to accept the life society had given her. It wasn't until the death of her son that she realized she didn't have to step back and let her life be ruled by others. She came to see that if every oppressed African American in the south was a bystander, racism would last forever. However, Minny was determined to speak her mind, even if it cost her a job. Although hesitant at first, she knew that the book Miss Skeeter was writing would bring change to her community. Minny understood the risks she was taking for her own family, but she would rather change the unfair life she was living in than stay quiet. These two maids help encourage each other find their voices. Opening up your life and soul to a complete stranger is difficult for anyone, especially when your opinions are against your superior. Opening up your life and soul to a complete stranger is difficult for anyone, especially when your opinions are against your superior. This friendship shows how important it is to speak up instead of stay quiet, despite the risks. Their courage, selflessness, and honest belief in the Civil Rights campaign shows readers how you shouldn’t only think of the effect of your actions on yourself, but how you can change others’ lives for the better.

"All my life I’d been told what to believe about politics, colored, being a girl. But with Constantine’s thumb pressed in my hand, I realized I actually had a choice in what I could believe.” - Skeeter

Here, Skeeter tells readers they don't always have to behave the way they've been told, or live the life that's been planned for them. Skeeter was taught that because she was white, she was better, but because she was a girl, she was worse off. Her life plan was to marry rich and have kids. When Skeeter starts to defy the restrictions given to her, she learns there's a whole new world outside of the protective bubble her parents had trapped her in all her life. Her determination to pursue a career in writing, and to have a life without marriage, shows readers that marriage isn’t all you should aspire to. Skeeter’s courage to have a life that she wants, instead of the one other people want for her, tells teens that no matter what people pressure you to do, you ultimately have the power to do what you believe is right. 

The Help shows that that vocalizing your opinions is worth the risk, that breaking the barriers built for your life can change you for the better, and that standing up to stereotypes and bullies can provide an example for others. Teenagers may not be able to connect with the elements of the book concerning the year, but almost all teens can relate to being bullied or put down. Through the eyes of three incredibly different women, she is able to teach readers that everyone has a voice worth hearing. I think that anyone who reads The Help can learn something about courage and self confidence from each character.

Left Alone

Opening that stupid door changed my life forever.

Today was supposed to be perfect, but knowing my luck, something would go wrong. I was finally having my princess wedding. The wedding I had been dreaming of since I was a little girl watching all of those sappy Disney Movies. Everything was running smoothly; 
the church was decorated, the reception plans were set, and much to my relief, I fit in my dress. And it was all done 2 hours before the ceremony, so I could actually step back, breathe, and realize that this was actually happening. I was getting married. 

Some people say that money doesn't matter, but they're lying. I grew up in an extremely poor family, so I would know. My mother always said, "Money may not buy happiness, but it definitely makes sadness easier to deal with." That was only one of the many lessons my mom taught me. When I told her I wanted to be a writer, she told me that was nonsense."Women don't work, she would say." When I told her I had gotten into Princeton, she laughed and made we deny the offer. I was upset, but I never argued, never even frowned. I would just say "Ok mom," smile, and leave, because that was just another lesson she had embedded into my head - mother knows best. I would just make up a reason to convince myself she was right. I was a very bad writer after all, and how on earth could I afford college at Princeton? The one thing my mother didn't control, was my dating life, and when she ended up taking the reigns on that too... that's when I couldn't hold my tongue. Any guy I even considered dating was awful in her eyes. He was too short, he was too tall, he was too fat, he was too skinny. But the most common flaw in my mom's eyes, "You could never date him Rebecca. He is filthy poor." 
That had to be a joke. We had no money; we had lived off of government aid and food stamps since I was 4. And that was when I realized that who I really loved didn't matter to my mom. What I wanted to do in my life would never matter to her. I wasn't just going to let her decide my life. 

"It's not my fault you never had anyone love you. It's not my fault that dad left us."

Summer Reading 2015

   Hi, my name is Isa, and this is my first blog post. 

Reading has always been one of my favorite pastimes. I loved books like Pinkalicious, Where the Wild Things Are, and Harold and the Purple Crayon. I loved books so much that when I finished my book, I would be extremely upset because I wanted the story to continue, which is how I discovered my love for series. I fell in love with the world of Harry Potter, Hunger Games, and Percy Jackson. While reading these books, the story never had to end.  

   One of the many reasons I adore reading, is because a good book can transport you into their world. Reading can make me a bright witch attending Hogwarts, a starving tribute fighting alongside Katniss, or a powerful demigod playing capture the flag at Camp Half Blood. Reading will always be something that I love, and will enjoy doing.

   This summer, I read Taking Flight, Brown Girl Dreaming, and Pretty Little Liars. My favorite book was Brown Girl Dreaming by Jaquline Woodson. Before I started to read, I wasn't sure I would like it. I usually read fiction, so this book written in verse was very out of my comfort zone. But, as I started to read, I realized how poetry can describe things, in a way normal writing can't. In one sentence, the author can make a situation seem dark, deep, but also beautiful at the same time. I soon found myself so absorbed in the story, feeling as if I was this girl going up in Brooklyn. I think every girl should read this book, not only because it is beautifully written, but because every girl can connect with the story. 
   Reading this book, and just reading in general, has made me smarter and more aware of what is happening, or has happened in our world. 

That is the end of my first blog post. I hope this blog will encourage others too read, especially the books I suggest! 
Thanks for reading, Isa I.